Lips pouting tight at the corners.

White mucus build up in the tear ducts.

Eyes wandering.

Brows expressing attitude, one lifting independently.

Mumbling with a lick of slur.

Need not words.

The face is proof.

Shackles shatter; Eyes crystal clear. Heart beating, warm, steady and even.

Brisk walk; Long strides. No longer studdering in motion. Poise.

Firm hand shake; Projected voice. Anunciation.

Meet the face of Ease.

CONFIDENCE.

Growing stronger. Transforming into a Woman. I CAN FEEL IT.

No longer on pause; moving forward. Choosing growth, while understanding it’s a never ending process & finding comfort in that fact.

Curiosity evolving from Fear. Welcoming the Unknown.

On the floor of rented space built to serve.. Tension in my mind. 11 hours in, 2 more to go. Torn between every choice possible; Choosing you.

The weight of life grows heavier every day that passes. How will we make it? Any of us? The sun grows brighter, Pecks on the cheek become intense,

Hypersensitive.

… Standing before a fork in the road… Shall I choose right or shall I choose left?

Which is more favorable: the heart or the mind? Torn, tearing in half, marinating in the pained nerves.

For the moment, I choose none. I choose to lay here… in the street… before the fork in the road.

Run me over.

Am I wasting my time? What am I doing?

Am I fighting a hopeless battle?

I feel like I’m running in place… … A part of me wants to give up, but I just can’t see that happening.

Will I run until I can no longer move?

                      ... I'm exhausted...

I lie in bed….
Have you heard of agony?
A feeling that’s being torn from your chest,
Unwillingly?
What do you do?
Scream?
Sing?
…or cry?

Is there such thing as cat’s game?
…or only triumph?

I am so happy…

           … Not just now, in this particular moment. I mean in Every Moment. 

   For so many years… I want to say my entire life… I was so dark, so miserable, so lost, so… confused. I was the Finest of all Wanderers. I wandered around aimlessly.. Searching for something to satisfy me. I always needed something… Always consumed in a feeling of NEED… Needing something to alter my physical body.. Needing someone to talk to.. Needing something to do.. Somewhere to go… Never finding what it was that I truly needed.

I needed Me. <3 

    It is so wonderful to truly be in touch with myself. I feel like I am my friend. I love that I can have butterflies when I’m just sitting in my room alone.. Doing my own thing..  : )    I adore how far I’ve come… I am so proud of myself. 

    I am so … happy … 

My thoughts used to haunt me.

    Now… They lift me…

My heart used to cry.

   Now… It laughs.

My body used to self destruct.

   Now… It nurtures.

My eyes used to be blind.

   Now… They see.

My nails used to be bitten.

   Now… They’re manicured.

My tongue used to understand Black.

   Now… It understands Color.

        I wish I could share how I feel with the world..  I wish… I wish…

                                          …But…

I didn’t get here by someone telling me how to get here… Where to turn right… Where to turn left… Where to yield…

                                    I got here on my own.

-Join Me-

I am a passionate person. I have goals, I dream, I deeply desire.. I have determination & can accomplish anything I put my mind to. I’m a powerful being, but … You distract me.

                                                       *   *   *

I want to focus on my personal development. I want to work towards reaching my fullest potential; I want to master myself and my world. In order to do this … I must meditate regularly, master the art & power of visualization, to truly focus. To reach my fullest potential, I must eat well. When I am not distracted, I don’t eat frozen foods, meaty foods, fast food, heavily processed foods, etc… When I am on track, I am exercising on a regular basis. I also will read, research, write, craft… I will create, create, create, discover, & create again. When I am focused, I am Me. When I’m doing well, I have priorities.

Now… Don’t go thinking I’m doing “badly”. I am not. I am happy, I am satisfied, I am not bored, I’m entertained & still learning. All I’m trying to say is that I’m not Living To My Greatest Potential.

So… What’s so distracting? What is it that knocks me off my path?

            People.

I adore mankind, I really do. The way each person thinks differently is fascinating to me. The way that each experience shapes our character intrigues me immensely. I am interested in how we are so human, yet so primal at the same time. We have our needs…  We WILL satisfy these needs. It’s inevitable. I love how each person’s brain works differently. Genetics blow my mind. I cannot accurately describe my love for mankind…….

There are downfalls, though. Not everybody fills their days with the same activities. Because of our differences, not everyone holds the same morals and values as everyone else. This is lovely, I like it this way. I definitely wouldn’t change it if I had the chance. It definitely creates conflict, though.

I want to meditate, master visualization & communicate with my subconscious.

     They want to drink.

I want to go running.

    They want to watch tv.

I want to research, read & expand my mind.

     They want to go get fast food.

I want to decorate myself &/or everything else. I want to make a craft!

     They want to smoke pot.

I want to have a true friend to learn, dance, share, & grow with. To genuinely love.

     They want a friend that will benefit them.

I want to be single, independent & become the powerful woman I know I am.

     They want a boyfriend to spend all their time with.

There is nothing wrong with any of these things. It’s ok that people do these things. I just…. don’t want these things a big part of my life. They are not what is important to me. These things throw me off track… They make me not .. Me.

Here, I lay… On my bed… Exhausted. I am exhausted because of my Distractions.