Tapping into the Power within Me

Can you feel it?

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Blogging.

I want to start regularly blogging. I signed into tumblr thinking I could do so here, but it seems to be a place people post pictures.

Not what I’m looking for.

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I ride the bus to work.

I’ve come to the conclusion that work is good place to be, right now.

At work, people are given rights. You recieve breaks and responsibilities that is only a portion of the big picture… At work, you are a part of a team. People are there because they choose to be, because they want to, and are paid because that is so. While on the job, you are surrounded by others that have their own beautiful lives, their own struggles, their own roles in society to perform… At work you enter another world, another perspective. At work you are safe.

I look forward to work this morning like never before.

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It doesn’t take much.

Lips pouting tight at the corners.

White mucus build up in the tear ducts.

Eyes wandering.

Brows expressing attitude, one lifting independently.

Mumbling with a lick of slur.

Need not words.

The face is proof.

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The face of Ease.

Shackles shatter; Eyes crystal clear. Heart beating, warm, steady and even.

Brisk walk; Long strides. No longer studdering in motion. Poise.

Firm hand shake; Projected voice. Anunciation.

Meet the face of Ease.

CONFIDENCE.

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Sprouting.

Growing stronger. Transforming into a Woman. I CAN FEEL IT.

No longer on pause; moving forward. Choosing growth, while understanding it’s a never ending process & finding comfort in that fact.

Curiosity evolving from Fear. Welcoming the Unknown.

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Hypersensitive.

On the floor of rented space built to serve.. Tension in my mind. 11 hours in, 2 more to go. Torn between every choice possible; Choosing you.

The weight of life grows heavier every day that passes. How will we make it? Any of us? The sun grows brighter, Pecks on the cheek become intense,

Hypersensitive.

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Indecision.

… Standing before a fork in the road… Shall I choose right or shall I choose left?

Which is more favorable: the heart or the mind? Torn, tearing in half, marinating in the pained nerves.

For the moment, I choose none. I choose to lay here… in the street… before the fork in the road.

Run me over.

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Exhausted.

Am I wasting my time? What am I doing?

Am I fighting a hopeless battle?

I feel like I’m running in place… … A part of me wants to give up, but I just can’t see that happening.

Will I run until I can no longer move?

                      ... I'm exhausted...

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I lie in bed….
Have you heard of agony?
A feeling that’s being torn from your chest,
Unwillingly?
What do you do?
Scream?
Sing?
…or cry?

Is there such thing as cat’s game?
…or only triumph?

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Lick My Sucker of Bliss, I insist.

I am so happy…

           … Not just now, in this particular moment. I mean in Every Moment. 

   For so many years… I want to say my entire life… I was so dark, so miserable, so lost, so… confused. I was the Finest of all Wanderers. I wandered around aimlessly.. Searching for something to satisfy me. I always needed something… Always consumed in a feeling of NEED… Needing something to alter my physical body.. Needing someone to talk to.. Needing something to do.. Somewhere to go… Never finding what it was that I truly needed.

I needed Me. <3 

    It is so wonderful to truly be in touch with myself. I feel like I am my friend. I love that I can have butterflies when I’m just sitting in my room alone.. Doing my own thing..  : )    I adore how far I’ve come… I am so proud of myself. 

    I am so … happy … 

My thoughts used to haunt me.

    Now… They lift me…

My heart used to cry.

   Now… It laughs.

My body used to self destruct.

   Now… It nurtures.

My eyes used to be blind.

   Now… They see.

My nails used to be bitten.

   Now… They’re manicured.

My tongue used to understand Black.

   Now… It understands Color.

        I wish I could share how I feel with the world..  I wish… I wish…

                                          …But…

I didn’t get here by someone telling me how to get here… Where to turn right… Where to turn left… Where to yield…

                                    I got here on my own.

-Join Me-